christmas day: first entry. [ a series of brief ramblings about a shitty day. ]

Dear Melissa,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, December 25:

Yours is normally one of the most pragmatic signs of the zodiac, but today you're living in your own world. Is that such a bad thing? Capture a few of these visions and see if you can bring them to life.

certainly in a world of my own. lots of marijuana and tranqs today. wine later. anything later. i hate christmas. i hate it. this day sucks more than any day when you are sad or depressed because everyone around you is 10 x 's happier then normal ( or at least they are really really pretending that they are) and you are no where near that. nowhere near, and in that comparison, you feel even worse about yourself. fucking christmas.
fucking holidays.

i do care about all you people.
i just don't know how to suddenly express that
because i'm forced to.

the only good thing is that people are back
they are here, and their existence
makes me thrive to some degree.


happy holidays kids. the day is already half way finished.


[p.s. my chritmas present to my mother is shooting the day, so i have spent a lot of time near garland. is that stuff toxic? my dog was eating tinsel earlier. i think that's not healthy at all. this may be his first and last christmas if he isn't careful. and for godsakes that dog has add. one picture. i just want one picture. he licks my camera lens. it's a messy business. ]